couldn't continue with the previous post due to some glitch. but anyway.. i'm just glad to have these frens. thanks everyone.

couldn't get to sleep last night. was thinking about a lot of things. i knew i was tired. tired from all that playing. but my eyes just didn't closed. i couldn't sleep.

i dun know how on earth am i going to help my class get bonded again. i have seen and heard other ppl whose classes are as worst or even worse. they just heck care and allow things to degrade. i am confused. Some ppl tell me to stamp my authority, which i seriously find it hard to do so. i ain't that kind of person. some tell me to heck care also, but that is not my style either. meanwhile, i am really disappointed and not motivated already.

it just feels as if the guys in the class (almost all of them) are against me. everything that i do is being criticsed, be it right or wrong. this whole nightmare is just coming back to haunt me.

the nightmare: sec 1. i used to play basketball a lot. and seriously speaking, until sec 1. i have never played soccer in my entire live b4. in my sec 1 class. there were 11 guys where most of them played scocer. the rest = no sports. i can't possibly play bball alone. so i followed. i was ignorant about this sport intially. they always played in the school field. i was asked to be the keeper. i followed. i realised that it was a s**t job as the shots by the opponents always very forceful. my hand hurt a lot then. but i didn't say anything. naturally, i wasn't doing too well then. always kena criticised. i was always the one in class to be sabotage or tease. this torture carried on till sec 2.

in sec 1: they asked me to play as a striker after my failure in goal. i mananged to score a couple before i was **** again. criticised again.
in sec 2: i played as a defender. reasons due to losing = ME. EVERYTHING ALSO MY FAULT!!!
i played everyday, with them. neglecting my studies totally.
in sec 3: streamed to combined science. left those guys. (they were in double sciences, triple WTH!!)
my new classmates were better, except for some who well... approach me if u want to know.
the sec 2 guys from my class never fail to criticise me everytime they see me play. I score goals =criticise. i defend properly= criticise... i couldn;t take it anymore...

this will probably let ppl realised why i am so pessimistic. i am not confident about myself at all. i always find myself feeling so screwed up.
sometimes, i may get paranoid when ppl say that i am good..

when i see the soccer team around, i always try to avoid them because of all these. there always this feeling that i am being look down by everyone, no one respects me. my existence is merely for the sake of making up the numbers ba. i guess.

my class. i love it. but how do i make it better?

sigh.